Saying Goodbye: Recession meets reality

When Chris Greer and I met yesterday morning and came up with the idea to blog about how to support the members of a Small Group during a recession, I had no idea that I would be speaking from personal experience. Less than five hours after that conversation, I received the news that I was being laid off from BAPC staff.

I was shocked, upset, in disbelief, and angry all at once. I wanted to scream but just kept reaching for tissues to try to dry my eyes instead. I had so many questions that I couldn’t make sense of any of them: What about my son? My husband and I had just looked at our budget—how can we afford this? How am I going to get health insurance when I have had gestational diabetes? What is going to happen to the Small Groups with one less person championing them? What went into the decision to lay off staff? Will I lose the friends I have made at BAPC?

I wanted to start tying up loose ends. I wanted to reach out to all of you whom I’ve had the chance to serve alongside for the past five years. I looked at the photos of my baby around my office and wondered how I would fit them all in my car. I was worried about overwhelming Chris with the projects I have been working on. Thankfully, Keenan encouraged me to go home and just be with my family. When I did so, my husband recommended that I forget about the details, bills and logistics for a few days and just grieve.

And now, it’s 2:23a.m. Tuesday morning; Eleven hours since I found out and I am still unable to let my mind rest. My Small Group meets tonight. I don’t know what I am going to say to them. I’m not sure if I’ll be crying, yelling, unable to speak, or calm. I know that even as we grieve my loss, we can celebrate that one of our other group members started a new job this week. And while earlier today that was a somewhat depressing point, it has turned into hope and a reminder of God’s provision and love. Regardless of how I feel in the moment or what circumstances surround me, I am glad that I have these people who I call friends, brothers, and sisters.

That’s what encourages me about the time that I have had to spend with you at BAPC. My impulse wasn’t to call the pastors or the “professionals”; it was to reach out to those I have been walking with for two years. While the pastors would be able to help, they don’t know me as well as this group of people, and ultimately it comes down to the issue of scale—if BAPC is close to California’s 12% unemployment rate, there are about 300 people at BAPC who are unemployed. My story is just one reflection of what may be going on in the hearts and minds of the people in your Small Group. Or yourself. We have to rely on one another to make it through this.

I always said that it was my hope to work myself out of a job. I wanted to equip, empower, and encourage the Church to be the Church. My hope is that the church would relate to the world and one another (both within BAPC and across the city with other churches like Faithful Central and Young Nak) by caring for one another, serving our neighbors, worshipping the Lord, relating as friends, and studying God’s Word. Essentially, to love one another and to love God. I wanted to see you doing my job for me—championing the community that Christ calls all of us to.

The greatest test of a leader is what happens when he or she is gone. Most people don’t get to see this, because usually they step out at a logical end point (once a project is completed, or when they have passed things off to another person). Me? I get to see what happens this time. So I leave the responsibility in your hands; the only hands it has really been in this entire time.

 

“I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

 -Jesus, John 13:34-35

 

Jen Hurst
Associate Director of Small Groups
To keep in touch, please find me on Facebook!

What about the kids?

Sometimes, the desire for group life isn’t enough to make it happen. Actually, it’s never enough. Once you decide to join a group, you have to take the step to inquire about it, find a group you’re interested in, and maybe visit one or two before you jump in.

Having kids presents a whole different set of questions. Can I bring my kids to my Small Group? What will they do? Should I hire a babysitter? Should we hire a babysitter as a group? How can I make it more than just another night of babysitting for them? What can we do to provide them with a Small Group environment?

A lot of us are wrestling with this issue. This Sunday I spoke with a woman who is unsure about bringing her kids to her group. Even though she thinks the Host may be okay with it, she hasn’t brought her kids yet because doesn’t want to burden the group and open the floodgates for other parents. This morning, I had a conversation with Debbie Carroll, BAPC’s Associate Director of Children’s Programming, about a Small Group that may form for neighborhood kids. It’s a great idea for not only providing community and growth for your own kids, but opening up the opportunity for other kids to get to know Christ.

As we’re brainstorming how to best support you as parents and as Small Group members, we’d love to hear from you about your experience with kids in your groups. What challenges have you had? What ideas did you come up with? What worked well? What didn’t work? Please give me a call at 818-788-4200 or email me at jen.hurst@belairpres.org, and let’s come up with some solutions together! 

As you’re thinking, here’s another perspective on integrating kids into your Small Group from Discipleship Journal:

Our small group for moms faced a dilemma: What should we do with our kids while we met during the summer?

Our solution: Bring the kids along, and make them the focus of the meeting. We have done this for the last three summers. It has the advantage of providing continuing fellowship for the moms (we would go crazy without some adult conversation), as well as giving a “program” for the kids one morning a week. We get a chance to have some spiritual input into our children’s lives; we also use the gathering as an opportunity to invite our nonChristian friends.

If this sounds appropriate for your group, we offer this advice from our experience.

Divide and conquer.

Don’t let one mom do it all. Rotate the meeting place from house to house. The mother who offers her house should not provide snacks, do the teaching, or plan activities—picking up all those toys before and after the meeting is enough!

Serve suitable snacks.

Forget the herbal tea and scones. Minister to your kids by making the food fun for them.

Teach kid-style.

Keep it simple and short. Use visual aids such as puppets or flannelboards, or act out a story with your children’s dolls and stuffed animals. If your creative juices have run dry by the end of the school year, your Christian bookstore will have materials. You can also search for “children’s ministry resources” on the internet.

Open up.

Parents who would never go to a church will come with their children to a “kids’ thing.” Tell them up front that a Bible story will be part of the program. (And pray!) The children’s story can be an inoffensive way to share the gospel with parents. Several parents who have come to our summer meetings have later visited our Bible studies.

We are always glad to get back to our regular small group at the end of the summer. However, the change of pace refreshes us, keeps us in touch, serves our summer needs, and gives us a chance to reach out to other moms. Last summer, as one mother shared the story of Jesus’ disciples in the boat during the storm—complete with group participation on the wind, rain, thunder, and lightning—another mom, enthralled, commented, “We should do our Bible studies like this!”

Used by permission of Discipleship Journal™. Copyright © 1981-2006, The Navigators. Used by permission of NavPress. All Rights Reserved. To subscribe, visit www.discipleshipjournal.com or call 1-800-877-1811.

 

Jen Hurst
Associate Director of Small Groups
jen.hurst@belairpres.org

Just What We Needed

The summer is a glorious time! Glorious because, well….it’s SUMMER!! There are vacations to take, more time with our children, longer days, brighter sun, and it just feels like less work and more play! And yet, in the life of Small Groups, summer can be a strange time. Because of the before mentioned glorious aspects of summer, people are less committed to their routine, to their schedules, and yes, sometimes to their community. While this is not necessarily a bad thing for the summer, it can be annoying for the Small Group Host who doesn’t know whether to cancel the small group for the summer, or try to stick it out through the changing schedules of each member.

I was recently speaking to a Small Group Host who was honestly sharing with me some the challenges with the inconsistencies in his group’s summer attendance. And, as an OPEN group, he has also found some frustration in the process of adding new people to the group. He said, “I get the occasional new person looking for a small group, but sometimes, they only come once, then I never see them again.” And as I nodded in acknowledgement of his frustration, he said something that changed the way I think about OPEN groups. He said, “But maybe that’s just what they needed.”

We then spent some time talking about the possibility that what one person might need this week, or for this time in their life, is this one small group meeting. And while it is frustrating for this group Host to have a new participant only attend one time, he humbly admitted that the attendance of a new person is not about him. It is about them. And it is about God.

I was struck by the unselfish care and the simple wisdom in this thought. As we talked more, we agreed that it is just as important for small groups to offer community for one week as it is for them to offer community permanently. As Hosts and regular participants, we cannot possibly know what the needs of each potential new participant is from week to week. And we agreed that our God is big, and in control, and perhaps His plan for that small group meeting all along was to include one new member for one week only. And we may never really know why. Perhaps God wanted to speak to that person in a group setting. Maybe God wanted to speak to the group through that person! Or maybe, God was communicating to both parties that His kingdom is about community and loving people no matter how many times we meet them; showing His love for them once, or loving them over and over and over again.

So let me say a special “thank you” and word of encouragement to all of our OPEN groups. There is GREAT value in what you are doing! Your “openness” communicates to those looking for a Small Group that God is interested in community, and that Bel Air is willing to help them find it. And without you, we would have no place to send our new small group participants who need community– even if just for one week.

Chris Greer
Coordinator of Small Groups
chris.greer@belairpres.org

“Silence is Golden”

I don’t know if I believe this statement: “Silence is golden.” Despite my recent post on the discipline of silence, I have trouble putting it into action in my Small Group. I think that part of the reason is that I often feel like the expectations of Small Group members (including myself) is to get together to learn from one another and from God. We come anticipating a class instead of a community.

Maybe partially because of my learning style and my penchant for reading and writing, I forget that there are times when silence in a group is a good thing. It allows people to process what they’re learning or hearing, it gives the quieter members of the group time to speak, it allows the group to come up with their own ideas or reflections before being influenced by what is shared first.

Silence also gives us a clue to what is going on with the group. Often, people will talk due to nervousness or insecurity. If someone is always jumping in to fill the void, it might be helpful to ask the group for a few seconds of quiet before sharing. Another reason people may be quiet is because their experience of the group does not fit their expectations. This may reveal to you that the group needs to have a goal-setting or “why we’re here” conversation.

Before you act to change the wordflow of your group, take some time to assess what the cause is. You may discover that the silence is a good thing.

 

Jen Hurst
Associate Director of Small Groups
jen.hurst@belairpres.org

Your Small Group Heritage

I come from a large family. My mom was one of nine kids; my dad was one of four. Now, we have 49 people in four generations living within 30 miles of one another (not to mention the seven families outside of this area). My husband is one of two kids. It is pretty much just him, his brother, and his mom in this area. Our family gatherings look vastly different. It took some adjustment for me to transition from Christmas morning craziness with my family to the deafening calm of Christmas evening with my husband’s family.

Our Small Group heritages are pretty similar. One of my first Small Group experiences was with him in college through Campus Crusade for Christ. It was there that I first found faith that made a difference in my day-to-day life, and where I was challenged to use my gifts of administration by representing the group to the college staff. After that, we were part of a Small Group that met as part of our church. It was a casual gathering in someone’s home that continued to refine my understanding of accountability, discipleship, and living in community. Another time I was checking out a new Small Group, I got directions, got there, parked, walked up to the door. . .and chickened out. I turned back around and drove home.

Each of these experiences informs my current Small Group. If someone contacts us about joining our group, we try to keep our window shades open and prop the door open so that they are less likely to turn around and walk away (it also gives us an opportunity to talk to our neighbors about the group — when they ask why we have a party at our place every Tuesday night). When we see that someone has a desire for our group to do something, we ask them to help make it happen (that’s how Adam ended up in charge of finding service projects for us to do together).

As new people visit or join your group, remember that they have a Small Group heritage as well. Whether they’ve been in a few groups before, visited some, or have just heard Pastor Mark talk about them, they have an idea in their mind about what is involved in a Small Group. Whether or not your group fits the picture they have in their minds, extend an arm of hospitality to them as they try to find their place in your group.

 

Jen Hurst
Associate Director of Small Groups
jen.hurst@belairpres.org

“How are you?”: The long and the short of it

“How are you?”

I can’t tell you how many times I ask and answer that question in a week. The same may be true for you. I ask it numerous times on Sundays on the church patio, during the week to my grocery clerk and barista, and a few times during my Small Group gatherings or with friends.

The context of the question makes all the difference for the answer. On the same day, I could answer “I’m okay” to one person, and to another: “Things are going well. My cousin had to go to the hospital last week. It’s been really tough on his family—and frustrating for me because I’m not sure how to help them right now. . .”

See the difference? With some people, I’ll be lucky if I can get to “I’m okay” before they move on to another topic of conversation—with someone else! Others will ask follow up questions until even I have grown bored with the sound of my voice.

In a Small Group, there is sometimes a tendency to assume that the answer to this question will, and should, always result in the “My cousin. . .” response. Yet, while every relationship calls for authenticity, not everyone in your life needs to be involved in every crisis or joy. How far you take people into your own life depends on the strength of the relationship you have with them.

People join Small Groups for different reasons: to get to know the Bible better, to make a few friends, to make connections for their career, because they feel guilty, to find a potential spouse, et cetera. While not every reason is a good one, each reason will make an impact on the depth of relationships that are possible as well as how quickly the group will move to greater authenticity with one another.

In some instances, you’ll know when it’s okay to push a group member to share a bit more about him/herself or to request prayer for their own life as opposed to their brother’s wife’s uncle’s neighbor’s dog (not that the dog doesn’t need prayer, there just may be other opportunities to directly impact the group member’s life). If your group tends to be quieter overall or especially closed during prayer times, you may want to encourage prayer and sharing for whatever is brought up.

Practically, this simple question can affect the quality of interactions within your Small Group. While the amount of time you spend on different aspects of your Small Group will vary depending on what stage you are at (more on this later), before you ask “how are you?” of someone, ask yourself what kind of commitment you’re willing to make for the answer. Will you listen if they tell a long story? Will you be okay with it if they share only a couple words?

And if you’re unsure of your group’s take on this, discuss it with them. Just as people join Small Groups with different expectations, groups will develop and define themselves differently with respect to the depth of relationships that people want and expect at certain times.

 

 Jen Hurst
Associate Director of Small Groups
jen.hurst@belairpres.org

The Discipline of Silence

This week, I’ve been wrestling with words. Not that I have had a hard time choosing what words to use, but that I have been analyzing my intake and output of words in general.

It has been almost a week since I have posted something. That might not seem like a lot for some people, but for me to not even have attempted to write anything, that’s a long time. I’ve also had a hard time deciding what book to download next on my Kindle. I never thought I would encounter that problem (just look at my credit card bill). In 2008, I read 57 books and journals. Now, over half-way through 2009, I’ve read 18.

Part of this is because of time, but I think part of it is that I hit word overload. This week, I just couldn’t think of anything that seemed to merit a blog. And as I tried harder, these verses began to swim in my mind:

• When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise. (Prov. 10:19)

• As a dream comes when there are many cares, so the speech of a fool when there are many words. (Eccl. 5:3)

• Much dreaming and many words are meaningless. Therefore stand in awe of God (Eccl. 5:7)

I can see the dawn of understanding that my relationship with Jesus is not dependent on how many times I read the Bible or how many Christian books I read. I am beginning to value silence once again.

 

Jen Hurst
Associate Director of Small Groups
jen.hurst@belairpres.org

August Monthly Five

Study the Word – Buy a “Bible in a Year” and help keep one another accountable for being caught up once a month.

Worship the Lord – Visit The Bridge with your Small Group. Commit to going together for a month to help launch this community.

Care for Each Other–  Determine some group norms for speaking the truth in love to one another when someone has offended you in the presence of your Small Group. Do a role play to show how this might look in the group.

Serve your Neighbor– Fill a backpack for kids going back to school. Click here for details.

Relate as Friends – Have a photo night; bring a photo from home and share what it means to you.

August Film Night

Planning to go to the Film Night this Sunday? Or are you looking for a way to connect with your Small Group outside of the regular time? This Sunday night at 7:30p.m. in the Discipleship Center, there will be a screening and panel discussion. To dig deeper into the movie and its message, use these notes in your Small Group.

Reflect

Discuss the opening scene of the film. How does this set the tone for Luther’s response to what faced him?

 In one scene we hear Luther say “My goal is not the quarrel with the Pope or the church, but to defend them with more than mere opinion. . .the gospel cannot be denied for the word of man.”  How were Luther’s actions and relationships influenced by this desire to be respectful of the church and God’s Word at the same time?

In the scene where Luther is being shaved, his friend and advisor says he had hoped Luther would help reform the church, not destroy it. He then asks Luther to look at the good. When is it appropriate to overlook the bad for the sake of the good? When is it necessary to take a stand?

Read: Romans 3:19-28

Respond

In what ways are you tempted to rely on what you do as the foundation for your relationships (with Christ or others)?

How can we encourage one another to press on in faith as opposed to works?

Help kids get ready to go back to school

Looking for a Small Group project? Here’s one for you! Bel Air is filling back packs for 150 children. Here’s your chance to send a child to school in the fall with confidence and hope for a great school year. The packs will be distributed though Cloud & Fire Ministries, Family Rescue Center and Hope Gardens. Contact Catherine (catherine@belairpres.org, 818-788-4200 x149) to reserve your back packs. Pick them up, fill them with the items listed below and bring them back. It’s that easy to bless a child!

Print this blog post and bring it to your Small Group this week to discuss it. Here’s the list of supplies that should go in each backpack. Divvy up responsibility for the supplies, and fill the backpack together as a group. You might even want to write the children a note of encouragement for their first day of school!

 Back Pack Shopping List

• #2 pencils
• Crayons
• Glue stick
• Pink eraser
• Scissors
• Pencil case
• Lined notebook
• Pocket folders
• Pens
• Loose leaf paper (wide line)
• Ruler
• 3-ring binder
• Pencil sharpener
• Highlighter pens
• Optional- Child’s tee shirt (med or large) sweatshirt or socks